The Case for Citizen Sans

In a press release for Citizen Kane, Orson Welles described the film as an examination of one man’s character.  That “six or more people could have as many widely divergent opinions concerning the nature of a single personality. Clearly such a notion could not be worked out if it would apply to an ordinary American citizen.”  Dan Gilbert is everything but ordinary, and few owners in sports create such divergent opinions.

As a litmus test for this article, I posted a question on my Facebook asking for opinions on Gilbert. Good and bad. The anti-Gilbert responses ranged from “he’s a classless cry-baby,” and “a giant tool,” to him being the primary reason that former commissioner David Stern vetoed the Chris Paul deal to the Lakers, as if he were the Illuminati puppet master who secretly pulls the strings behind the leagues moves.  The pro-Gilbert side defended his investments in the Rust Belt, the open pocket book he runs his franchise with and his commitment to charity. Either way, people knew who Gilbert was. If I would have asked a similar question about Peter Holt or Wyc Grousbeck, there probably wouldn’t have been a single response.

“Really Charles, people will think-” – Emily Monroe Norton

“-What I tell them to think.” – Charles Foster Kane

This is my problem with the media and its reception by the masses. Kane decries that “the news goes on for 24 hours a day,” but does it, or do we just watch stories being built up in anticipation to fill content, and then go on to be instantly judged? The banality and over-saturation of twenty-first century media has led to a segregation of independent thought. I’ve questioned for years if a mass memo goes out to radio hosts and journalists from the media monster to create sponsored content filler for eye balls that need an escape from the monotony of modern life. Today, sports journalism tells people what to think through Nancy Grace morality mafia mantra finger wagging, rather than challenging them to think for themselves. The talking heads need cliches like Gilbert’s letter to belittle because they are too unoriginal to pioneer organic humor themselves.

Having lived in Los Angeles for the past three years, I’ve spoken to people from all over the country about Gilbert, and most regurgitate the criticisms lobbied at him by talking heads four years ago from his comic sans letter. I don’t expect nuanced thought out of the average sports fan. I don’t blame them for their lack of objectivity. They’ve been breastfeed since childhood to submit to voices of authority and file in line and find their place in society. They can be neatly categorized on a bookshelf according to genre. They are a copy, of a copy, of a copy. They are cancer. The problem with sports opinion is that the authority is often flawed and that the judgement is rushed. The fallout of The Letter even allowed real life Clay Davis, Jesse Jackson, to climb on his soap box and decree that Gilbert had a “slave master mentality.”

“Well, it’s no trick to make a lot of money… if what you want to do is make a lot of money.” -Bernstein

Gilbert has attained a level of success in capitalism that few can match. His life is the American dream on a constantly flowing intravenous therapy of HGH and deca durabolin. His net worth is $4.4 billion, he owns four professional sports teams, four casinos and is involved in over 80 businesses.

I don’t think that Gilbert is just out to make a lot of money though, and that’s what I like about him most. Gilbert has invested over $1.3 billion into renovating downtown Detroit, building by building. He employs over 5,000 Ohioans. Gilbert has invested his wealth and time greatly in kicking the rust off of two cities that built America and were forgotten by our government.

My personal favorite Gilbert moment was April 15th, 2011 at the NBA lottery. It was the first time since The Decision that Gilbert was shown in a good light. In that moment, I didn’t see him as the owner of my favorite sports team. I saw him as a doting father that every child deserves. The sports world got their first glimpse of his humility in that moment. The smile on his face was genuine and his laughter at his son Nick’s “What’s not to like?” ad lib, wasn’t rehearsed.

Bernstein, am I a stuffed shirt? Am I a horse-faced hypocrite? Am I a New England school mark? – Leland

Am I just a homer for Gilbert because he owns the Cavs? I’m biased in a lot of my opinions. Cedar Point is the best amusement park in the country. Six Flag’s Magic Mountain has the charm of a vomit splattered Waffle House bathroom at three in the morning with roller coasters. I may slightly overrate Great Lakes Brewery’s libations, but their hop-filled bite cleanses my palate no matter where I’m at, and they remind me of home like no other beer can. I’ve argued on multiple occasions that Slyman’s corned beef is the best in the country. As much as I can be a homer, I’ve never been a homer towards an owner of a Cleveland sports franchise, and I certainly don’t go to bat for Dan Gilbert just because he owns the Cavs. I saw Randy Lerner as Robin Arryn. Arryn is a sickly little boy on Game of Thrones who is set to inherit Riverrun the Vale, but is incapable of being a future leader from years of being over coddled by his protective mother. The Dolans? I don’t hate them, but their everlasting commitment to Mark Shapiro after a decade plus of the worst drafting in MLB has made Clevelanders embarrassingly abandon the Tribe.

The relationship between a fan and the owner of a team rarely has a grey area. You either canonize them for the investment they’ve made towards your sublime subterfuge, or you resent them because you’re more invested in something they own than they are. Gilbert is invested. He paid a 37-year-old Shaq $20 million, to guard Dwight Howard in a playoff series that never happened. He took on $16 million in basically dead money for the 8th best lottery odds in a weak draft. Of the three Cleveland sports teams, I see the Cavs as the least likely to ever move because of Gilbert’s marriage to the city through his numerous business enterprises and investments within the 216.

“Sentimental fellow, aren’t you?” – Thompson

“A toast, Jedediah: to love on my terms. Those are the only terms anyone every knows…his own” – Charles Foster Kane

“Love! You don’t love anybody! Me or anybody else! You want to be loved – that’s all you want! I’m Charles Foster Kane. Whatever you want – just name it and it’s yours! Only love me!” -Susan

The letter. I understood why he did it. He had given so much to LeBron. He had invested as much as he could in the franchise. He built the $25 million, state of the art Cleveland Clinic Courts a short drive from James’ Bath Township Xanadu. He gave access and jobs to James’s family and friends. He introduced James to moguls like Warren Buffet. There’s probably countless gestures Gilbert did to appease LeBron that we’ll never know about. He gave James everything that he could, but he expected loyalty in return. When Gilbert’s loyalty wasn’t reciprocated, he felt betrayed. He was insulted that James didn’t even have the decency to tell him man to man that he was leaving. Gilbert’s investment was held hostage in the summer of 2010, so that LeBron could feed his own ego.  Gilbert probably should have stopped at one red Solo Cup of Louis XIII and had one of his 18,000 employees proofread it first. I didn’t get a rah, rah feel from the letter that many Cavs fans did. I was too disappointed and numb to conjure up a rah. For me the emotion in his letter made him seem more flawed and thus more human to me. We all have our shortsighted tantrums in adulthood that we later regret and grow from.

Rosebud is a just a MacFuffin about Marion Davies’ muffin. Love on your own terms-that’s the point of Citizen Kane. It’s something we all want, but can never have. You can’t make someone feel about you, how you want them to, they either do or they don’t. It’s why all relationships in life that fall apart fail. Gilbert is a wildly successful billionaire, who’s probably accustomed to obtaining what he wants in life. He couldn’t make LeBron want to stay and it consumed him.

“Maybe Rosebud was something he couldn’t get, or something he lost. Anyway, it wouldn’t have explained anything… I don’t think any word can explain a man’s life. No, I guess Rosebud is just a… piece in a jigsaw puzzle.” -Thompson

A single word or phrase can’t come close to encompassing a dynamic personality like Gilbert. Gilbert’s tantrum in the letter, his pride in his children and his extraordinary commitment to his community makes him the most human owner in the sports by a mile. Researching Gilbert’s many accomplishments made me feel lazy and question my own goals in life in a completely constructive way. He’s done so much, and he’s still hungry. Of course he’s eligible for criticism, but the hate for a emotional outburst in a goofy font went too far in a league with racist owners, a team president who did pornography, and an owner who’s the proprietor of a cruise ship that killed 32 people.

The reunion of James and Gilbert is one of the more inspirational stories I’ve seen in sports. Both grew as men through their mutual contrition for their actions. Rather than be mad, because they each had that right to from one bad night, they both moved on to appreciate the five years of memories they shared together and add to those albums in the future. For all of the finger wagging Gilbert received for his comic sans letter and LeBron garnered from The Decision, they can actually achieve some of those promises together four years later. Perhaps they are ironically the missing pieces to the same jigsaw puzzle. Either way, the Cavs are now the train with all the lights on it because of their reunion. If James and Gilbert can work together, Apple and Adobe can find a way.