10 Things I Like About….Тимофей Павлович Мозгов
2015-01-29
Iman Shumpert and Timofey Mozgov have been linked as potential trade targets of the Cavs for some time and both actually came to fruition. I’ve questioned if NBA talking head’s sources were real or Fernet Branca hallucinations like the one I had when I tore my meniscus running out of the Cosmo in Vegas and then micturated on the side of the Aria. Moral of the story, don’t ever drink an entire bottle of Fernet Branca, and don’t initially dismiss all NBA rumors as page view spam.
1. First and foremost, Mozgov is a center. A legit center. As much as I love Andy with his fun hair, and the fact that he probably wooed the finest ladies that Ontario St. Café has to offer, he was always a PF. While he could defend the pick and roll well in the past (awful this season), he’s never been able to protect the paint. You pay bigs for two reasons: they either protect the rim, or stretch the defense. Andy can do neither. Not only is Mozilla a vastly superior rim defender (9th in block percentage last season) than Varejao, his range might extend past Andy’s elbow sweet spot as well.
2. He has an incredibly reasonable contract. There aren’t too many people who stand above 7 feet on the planet (where are all those Wilt Chamberlain babies at!?), and if they are even mediocre at basketball, Mark Cuban will throw eight figures a year at them. Paying Mozgov $5 million a season is like the Black Friday door buster bargain that your Aunt Tilly risked being trampled to death over to save 20% on a Keurig.
3. He might be our enforcer. One of my biggest fears after trading away Waiters was that we no longer had a guy who would stick up for his teammates when things got chippy. Every time Kendrick Perkins got rough with Moz in the Thunder game, he gave it right back to him. I eagerly await the next hard foul on LeBron or Kyrie just to see Moz’s reaction.
4. Moz plays with a blue-collar mentality. He hustles, battles for position down low and sets hard picks. Maybe someday Bruce Springsteen will write a diddy about him and charge $300 a seat for his working class audience to hear it.
5. His acquisition showed that the front office has Blatt’s back. I threw most of the rumors in recent weeks about Blatt being a one and done coach in the trash where it belongs. I assumed they were generated by a petty reporter, who is jealous that he’s no longer privy to LeBron’s inner circle or Chris Grant internal leaks. Mozgov is a Blatt guy and giving up two first round picks for him illustrates the franchise’s commitment to our Ivy League Israeli coach. I like Blatt. Eight wins in a row later, it appears that the roster does too.
6. Mozgov further illustrates my theory that you don’t need a lottery pick to find quality rotational big man in the draft. Looking back over the ten draft classes from 2003 to 2012, there are countless bigs who have busted in the lottery, and numerous who were drafted afterwards to become all-stars and key members of championship teams. Considering the Cavs won’t be drafting in the lottery for the foreseeable future, let’s hope this trend continues. Revisionist history is the laziest game in journalism, but we’re a lazy species, so here’s some more of it.
2003
18th-David West*
21st-Boris Diaw**
27th-Kendrick Perkins**
42nd-Zaza Pechulia
45th-Matt Bonner**
2004
15th- Al Jefferson*
31st-Anderson Varejao
2005
28th-Ian Mahinmi**
30th-David Lee*
33rd-Brandon Bass
36th- Ersan Ilyosova
49th-Andray Blatche
56th-Amir Johnson
57th Marcin Gortat
2006
32nd-Steve Novak
47th-Paul Milsap*
2007
28th-Tiago Splitter**
31st-Carl Landry
35th-Glen Davis**
37th-Josh McRoberts
48th-Marc Gasol*
2008
15th-Robin Lopez
16th-Marreese Speights
17th-Roy Hibbert*
18th-JaVale McGee
19th-J.J. Hickson
21st-Ryan Anderson
23rd-Kousta Koufos
24th-Serge Ibaka
31st-Nikola Pekovic
35th-Deandre Jordan
36th-Omer Asik
Undrafted
Timofey Mozgov
2009
24th-Byron Mullins
26th-Taj Gibson
39th-Jonas Jerebko
2010
15th-Larry Sanders
33rd-Hassan Whiteside
52-Luke Harangody
2011
16th-Nikola Vucevic
20th-Donatas Motiejunas
22nd-Kenneth Faried
23rd-Nikola Mirotic
2012
14th-John Henson
17th-Tyler Zeller
18th-Terrence Jones
19th-Andrew Nicholson
21st-Jared Sullinger
35th-Draymond Green
49th-Kyle O’Quinn
* Denotes all-star appearance
** Denotes championship
7. At age 28, Moz still has room to grow defensively. According to former Cavs:TheBlog writer Kevin Hendrick’s excellent Aging Curves articles at gotbuckets.com, bigs Defensive APM generally peaks during their age 31 season. The best is yet to come.
8. Mozgov married his smoking hot wife Alla in Vegas, while wearing a freaking tracksuit! To those of you who aren’t married, I highly suggest dating a Russian girl, just for the experience. Romanian, Bulgarian or Moldovan gals count too. It may be hard for you to find a nice Russian lady friend at your local Buffalo Wild Wings, but Cedar Point hires tons of them because they don’t have to pay them minimum wage. Thank you corporate America! If I had to make a list of 10 Things I Don’t Like About…Тимофей Павлович Мозгов, numero uno would be that he wears Ed Hardy apparel. We’ll see how the season goes. I’m running out of ideas for “The Case For…” articles, so it’s a possibility.
9. I’ve always rooted for heels in wrestling. They are much more compelling characters. Hulk Hogan is living breathing proof that training, taking your vitamins and saying your prayers leads to a life of divorce, pyramid schemes, and being in a staged sex tape. My hate for Hogan drew me to rooting for his rival heels, and I loved the hillbilly heat they drew. While the current state of the WWE is nearly unwatchable, one of the few segments I don’t fast forward through on the DVR is of Rusev and his breezy Russian manager Lana. It’s pathetic, but I genuinely want Lana to call out Timofey Mozgov every time he scores. Work on this powers that be at The Q. It’s the only way I’ll forgive you for the Hogan shoot interview with Moondog you pulled earlier this season.
10. He’s Russian. I’ve always been fascinated by Russia. The Romanovs being overthrown by the Bolsheviks, Rasputin, Stalin, that crazy birthmark on Gorbachev’s head, the KGB, The Americans, the fact that Russian imperial stout makes Guinness taste like Bud Light…I could go on, but we’re already at a thousand words. As much as I liked Saint Weirdo, I’ve moved on and have a new favorite Cav and his name is Timofrey Mozgov.
This is hilarious
Lana is his wife.
I thought his wife’s name was Alla and Lana was a female Russian wrestler?
Yeah I’m really confused whats going on now – is he married to Lana ?
Alla is his wife. Lana is the WWE broad.
By the way….it’s Timofey, not Timofrey.
Thank you and noted.
I love Lana. Her instragram from this morning made me lol. http://instagram.com/thelanawwe/
Yesterday rather – the video.
WHO IS LANA?????????????????????????????????????
Enjoyed the article Cory. Moz has been a terrific addition and deserves some reflection. Points 1-5 are the exact reasons why he is absolutely one of the best fits that Griff could have gone out and gotten (with 1 and 5 being the most important in my opinion). Also love how your bartending experiences come through in your style. Would love to know what Fernet Branca induced hallucination you were running from out of the Cosmo… Also, hope you don’t get any flack for point 8 from any Russian female readers. They are in the off-season now and they will… Read more »
Already edited 8 haha. Not sure if I’m allowed to put into detail the Fernet hallucination. But it’s pretty good. The end result was me being unable to walk up to the room due to my knee and I had to be wheeled up to my hotel room at the MGM. I should have been arrested. I wasn’t. I won on that trip. I have a picture of it actually. The next morning I remembered little and since I don’t get hang overs I felt fine and ate at Smith and Wolensky’s for lunch.
I played ball for another 20 minutes after I blew out my knee. What an idiot.
Ha Now we have something in common!
I played for another 30 years after I blew out my knee. If you can shoot 3’s, you can kind of play at 2/3 speed.
After recently upgrading to titanium, “playing basketball” was at the very top of the “don’t even think about it” list.
My knees are still in tact, but the future is bleak. My NBA spirit animal is Ron Artest. Not a lot of old man threes ahead of me.
Great article. Seems like the reunion with Blatt has been very good for Moz. I would guess this is because:
a) He is familiar with the Blatt scheme and feels at home.
b) He can really talk to his coach (since his english is obviously a bit dicey)
c) The trade gives him confidence that the team believes in him.
Sacramento is a Revenge Tour MUST WIN. Moz vs. Boogie will be a big test.
This reads a little like Dennis Miller speaks.
. . . and I’m glad we didn’t trade for Koufas. Or one of those other guys (fill in the blank ___________).
I can’t stand Dennis Miller. He’s awful. Worse than Delly.
Dennis Miller should be the conservative Bill Maher. I love them both.
Miller’s become such a conservative talking point troll though. Maher, while at times reprehensible, is much more outside the two party Liberal/Conservative dialectic. That speaks more to my own political bent, and therefore I can tolerate him more. I respect Maher cause he trolls everyone. Miller just trolls liberals and sucks up to conservatives. I blame Al Michaels for turning him into a neocon.
Miller is the aboslute worst. Maher I can handle, but sometimes his pet causes just make me want to punch him. Pllus he let’s his conservative guests have way too much leeway when they are spewing bullshit.
Maher’s promotion of Rand Paul made me stop listening to him for a bit.
Jesus. I can’t believe we agree on something.
Haha. Nate and Cols share a moment. I am a bit choked up. :)
Well… there’s a first for everything…
Wow. I’m not going lie, Cols. I’m impressed.
I love Rand Paul. Funny because me and Cols agree on a lot except Delly
finishing from my previos blog ( ooops ) QUITE THE EXPERIENCE WITH THEM —–very hard workers —but also love to part and you are correct –Louie’s is the place to be !!
My summer bartending at Cedar Point was the best of my life by a country mile and the basis for my filthy comedy screenplay “FunCoast.” Kind of like a modern Porky’s set at an amusement park. Porky’s was directed by Bob Clark who used its success to direct his dream project “A Christmas Story.” Porky’s also started Scott Colomby who is the drummer of a house band at the Kibitz Room where I worked in LA. Everything is related.
yep. He’s been great. Much better than advertised. Much better than analysts said when we traded for him. He’s a complete center who can play offense and defense who doesn’t clog the paint, isn’t injury prone, and isn’t a headcase.
I’d trade him for Al Jefferson, but that may be it. Otherwise things get headcasey (Howard, Cousins), or are horrible on offense and headcasey (Hibbert).
Great great great trade by Griffin. Easily GM of the year.
Professor Al can score but he can’t defend. He’s also a little injury prone. Mozgov being Blatts guy can’t be stated enough. His presence brings a lot more credibility to the coach it seems like.
Al’s probably a better player overall, but Moz is a better fit for this team.
Griffin is the anti-Christ tricking you all to believe in him. For the sake of the Lord almighty, do not be fooled by the Mozzy move. His many other moves are proof positive he is the anti-Christ. Do not worship this false god.
agree MOZZY is the new favorite of mine also ( shared by many I would think ) also agree ( I have an investment with a local marina here in Sandusky oh —right on the bay ) we would hire all the Russian workers / females from cedar pt after their season ended —–
totally concur with every letter of this article. i just wish drake was a cavs part owner and not usher because timo needs to be featured in his work. ever since nate dogg passed away the music world needs a guy who is constantly featured. timo and drake is a match made in heaven. i can only imagine the lyrics they would generate. usher (if he still is a cavs minority owner) does not have the ability to properly use timo.