Dear Santa…

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, C:tB readers! While we’re waiting for the year’s biggest matchup, Nate and I teamed up to deliver our annual “Dear Santa” wish list for all our favorite Cavaliers. These guys have brought us so many great moments throughout the last year, and they bring so many people joy on and off the court, we’re hoping Santa gives them some too. On behalf of all of us here at C:tB, here’s wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season!

EG’s List

Joe Harris: The holidays are a time to put aside petty things, which is why I’ll take a break from my usual bashing of the erstwhile Smokin’ Joe, put my voodoo doll down and wish him a Merry Christmas. The holidays are also a time for traveling, which is something poor Joe has been doing quite a bit of in the last few weeks, shuttling back and forth between Canton and Cleveland. Throughout his rookie season, Joe had to lug a backpack featuring characters from the movie “Frozen” on every trip, so Santa, please bring Joe a luggage upgrade with a new Bluesmart carry-on bag. This should help Joe keep track of his belongings, no matter where he goes, and should come in handy if the Cavs ultimately wind up sending him packing in the new year.

Jared Cunningham: Much Danger Ninja has already done a lot to get himself on the “Nice” list this season, and while holding his spot on this Cavs team is probably tops on his Christmas wish list, we’ll aim for something a bit more tangible. Since I’m sure (if recent reports about locker room debates on classic hip-hop are accurate) the King himself will be taking care of JC’s music educational gift, I hope that Santa brings him an “Ask Me About My Ninja Disguise” flip-t-shirt to help MDN let his inner assassin continue to get loose, even off the court.

James Jones: I didn’t realize this until reading the James Jones Player Mailbox on Cavs.com, but apparently James Freaking Jones is pretty freaking funny (check out what he has to say about the comedic chops of his teammates as well). As the resident team Comedy Champ, JFJ most likely spends most of the season entertaining the rest of the guys, so maybe Santa can repay the favor with a stocking-ful of some of the funniest Christmas movies of all time, including Elf… Scrooged… Bad Santa… Home Alone… and of course, Cleveland’s own holiday classic… A Christmas Story.

Richard Jefferson: Last year, Alex Kirk was the Cavs’ resident lover of Mexican food on whom Nate used his plea with Santa for a special Christmas burrito. With AK gone, R.J. has taken his place as the lover of all things spicy from south of the border… maybe to an extreme degree…

“I have a problem, I really have a problem when it comes to Mexican food,” said Jefferson in an interview last summer. “I grew up in Phoenix and Southern California so Mexican is my favorite food. Gosh there are so many great dishes.”

While there are undoubtedly some fine Mexican restaurants in the greater Cleveland area, the Cavs’ west coast swing, that begins in the Bay Area on Christmas Day, does take them through Phoenix next Monday. Santa, please deliver a gift certificate for one of the best Mexican joints in the Valley of the Sun, the Barrio Cafe… as well as some post-game time for R.J. to partake in his share of all of his favorites like carne asada burritos, rolled tacos and plenty of guacamole.

J.R. Smith: Last summer, J.R. was (as usual) on the bleeding edge of cool while riding his Phunkeeduck hoverboard into the Q before Game 4 of The NBA Finals. Hoverboards have now become one of the hottest Christmas gifts (not just in terms of sales, but also because they tend to either catch fire or explode), so it’s time to move onto the next form of gadgetry to keep J.R. occupied and out of trouble both on the road and during his long winter nights in Northeast Ohio. And, since J.R. tends to live in his own world anyway… Santa, please bring J.R. an Oculus Rift Virtual Reality Headset. After all, in virtual reality, officials don’t call fouls… all the shots go in… and nobody else can see who’s tryin’ to get the pipe…

Iman Shumpert: It takes a pretty special pair of hands to be able to handle the double duty of deftly stripping opponents of basketballs, while also being able to help bring new life into the world. When Shump pulled off the latter last week, delivering his baby girl in his bathroom at home, he became an inspiration to many… including his old teammate Carmelo Anthony. My first thought was that Iman could probably really use some top-notch gloves to keep those valuable hands protected. Then I gave serious consideration to some sort of “Superdad” t-shirt or coffee mug. Ultimately though, after hearing the details of his surprise birthing of his daughter, it seemed like the best gift might be a new pair of headphones… since the old ones were used to, you know… tie off her umbilical cord. Hey Santa, maybe some of those new wireless Beats for the Shump-tastic one…

Kyrie Irving: All Kyrie probably really wanted for Christmas was the chance to be back on the floor by Christmas Day to help the Cavs square off against the Warriors. That wish is already coming true, so what else could a 23-year-old basketball wunderkind want in his stocking? How about a Kobe Bryant gift card… good for a game of one-on-one with the Mamba anytime in the off-season on a court of Uncle Drew’s choosing. After all, K.I. is one of Kobe’s anointed receivers of his torch… and he does still owe Ky that game… might as well cash in while the Mamba can still move around.

David Blatt: Coach seems a lot more comfortable this season, whether it’s on the sidelines or addressing the media before and after games. Part of that is having all of the tumult of being a first year (don’t you dare say “rookie”) coach, with sudden instant championship expectations placed squarely on his shoulders behind him. The other component is that he’s an incredibly bright, strategically-minded basketball tactician who is constantly searching for (and usually discovering) the right answers and solutions. However, even the smartest people can use a little extra help and input. Since Blatt is Jewish, we’ll ask Hanukkah Harry to give Santa an assist and bring Coach Dave an Amazon Echo for the holidays. The digital personal assistant, Alexa, could come in really handy for answering tough questions like “with everyone healthy, who should be in the rotation” and “what’s the funniest response to critics of how many minutes I play LeBron?” Besides, sometimes the best way to reinforce a message is to have an echo…

David Griffin: It’s not easy to find gifts for the man who has everything, and Griff pretty much fits that description this season. Last year, his Christmas wishes came true with the additions of two athletic wings and a big man who could protect the rim. Then, he made his list of free agents this summer and checked it twice before signing every single one of them. Literally, about the only thing missing from David Griffin’s haul of presents is a championship (but we could say that about everyone on this list). And, since it’s unlikely that he’ll get the appropriate recognition once again in the GM of the Year Award race, he might actually enjoy getting this notepad of “Everyday Achievement Awards” that he can keep handy on his desk at work… if only to remind himself of the awesome job he’s doing. Make it happen, Santa!

Nate’s List

Timofey Mozgov: If you haven’t checked out Timo’s Facebook page, it’s phenomenal. While this pic of Timo helping out some folks with their Christmas shopping is the most heartwarming, this above shot of Timo and Patrick Star is, to quote Austin Carr, “priceless.” Apparently, Timo is a fan of everyone’s favorite starfish. Why not a present that combines two of Timo’s great loves: pizza and Patrick? This T-Shirt ought to do it. It screams Mozgov.

Mo Williams: No one was more excited to come back to Cleveland than Mo. “Cleveland is home” as Mo stated, and even during his exodus, he always repped city. Santa, why don’t you hook Mo up with some of the best of Cleveland? And what’s better right now in Cleveland than it’s exploding restaurant scene? My favorite place is the Greenhouse Tavern, 2015 James Beard award winner, Jonathan Sawyer is the head chef and owner operator. Their flagship dish right now? A roasted pig’s head, which (according to google) is the best pulled pork you’ll ever have. I hope you dig on swine, Mo. I know I do. Add some squash salad with Ohio maple, gold rush apple, sage, and Mackenzie creamery goat cheese. Throw in some signature duck fat pomme frites (french fries). Finish it off with a dobos torte: a decadent cake with hazelnut, dark chocolate, caramel, and potato chips. On second thought, Santa, maybe bring Mo Christmas in July. That all sounds delicious yet ridiculously heavy for the regular season!

Anderson Varejao: I thought a lot about what to get Andy. But I don’t know if he needs anything. He always seems happy. Seriously, Santa, have you ever seen a guy who (off the court) smiles more than Andy? He leads a semi-charmed kind of life. But there’s one big present he needs. Let him stay healthy, and let’s get him a no-trade clause and let him retire a Cavalier, maybe even hang his jersey when his playing days are over. That’s an easy list, right Santa? No other player bridges the gap between LeBron’s first stint and his return to Cleveland. I want to see him smiling, always.

Matthew Dellavedova: Apparently, when Santa gets to Australia, he ditches the reindeer and flies with “six white boomers.”  Another Christmas tradition in Australia is Carols by Candlelight in many cities and towns. So, Santa, why don’t you team up with some of the other Cavs to sing Delly some carols tonight by candlelight? “Can’t we get LeBron and Co. to get belt out this Australian classic? Hmm. Maybe not. You might have to settle for the video, Matt. If you can’t get that arranged, Santa, why don’t you get Delly paid next summer?

Sasha Kaun: All I know of Sasha is the fantastic Latin-American-dictator style mustache he rocked during Movemeber, that and he played for Kansas. Since Kansas doesn’t need any help (they’re No. 2 in the country right now). How about something mustache related? That’s right. Ha-Ha Mustache: The “name that stache card game!” Gather the clues, and name that famous mustache. Help me out here, Santa. I’m reaching.

Tristan Thompson: Apparently, A Christmas Story is Tristan’s favorite Christmas movie, which makes this one easy. There’s no shortage of cheesy Christmas Story merchandising. Bunny Suit? Red Rider Air Rifle? Lifebuoy soap? A Leg Lamp? It’s all there at the Christmas Story House gift shop. I can’t choose. There’s a gift card in your future, Tristan.

Kevin Love: Much has been made of KLove’s prodigious mop of hair this season. While many guessed that he was growing it out to pull off his Jackie Moon Halloween costume, the locks have stayed long ever since. As we all know, Kev is a pretty stylish guy, what with his GQ cover last year… plus when you add all that hair to an already full beard, you tend to need a lot more product to keep it all manageable. Not to mention with all of the traveling the Cavs do, the best solution might be to have as much portable product as possible. Maybe Santa can leave a Billy Jealousy Wanderlust Travel Kit under the tree for Kevin this year (Billy Jealousy makes a wide assortment of upscale men’s grooming products, including beard care and hair care products). This airline-approved four-piece travel kit is ideal for guys who travel frequently for work, and includes hair styling paste, shampoo, body wash, and beard moisturizer. Happy styling Kev!

LeBron James: This time of year, the King is much more concerned with giving gifts than receiving them. Just yesterday, he and Devon Still surprised Devon’s daughter Leah with a gift from her favorite athlete…

Devon Still gets Leah the best Christmas present, thanks to LeBron James' help https://t.co/BQN4MJx72i pic.twitter.com/lXqqHD0r87

— Sporting News NFL (@sn_nfl) December 23, 2015

On the receiving end, there’s just not much LBJ could want for (other than to bring a title to Cleveland in June). However, one thing we all know Bron values above everything else is family. And, unfortunately, in his 13 seasons, LBJ has played 10 times on Christmas Day… seven of which have been on the road. He had this to say about playing on the holiday back in 2010…

“If you ask any player in the league, we’d rather be home with our families,” James said before a game in Los Angeles. “I think the people that even set the games up would rather be home with their family during this day. It’s not just a regular holiday. It’s definitely one of those days that you wish you could wake up in the morning with the kids and open up presents.”

So Santa… maybe you could have a word with the NBA schedule-makers and if the Cavs have to play another Christmas Day game again next year… at least make 2016 a home game. LeBron should be home for Christmas…

Dan Gilbert: The Cavs owner is literally the man who has everything, and he’s as big of a Cavs fan as anyone. He’s forked over the second highest payroll in the history of the NBA to field this team, and for that, we Cavs fans owe him our thanks. As for what he’d really want, besides health and happiness for himself, his friends, and his family, I think Dan said it best in an interview with Bob Wojnowski last summer, when asked what he’d like more, a Detroit revival or a Cavs championship.

If we’re able to continue on this path and impact positively a major American city you grew up in and around, that’s obviously a longer-term meaning. Although for the short term, if you ask me in the next few weeks, delivering a championship to Cleveland would be pretty special.

Jeremy Edwards/Getty

And as much as I’d like to ask for a championship, I think the rust belt revival that Dan has been a part of is more important. Dan has been a big part of the revitalization of Cleveland and Detroit, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask Santa for that to continue. So come on, Saint Nick, let’s keep on reviving neighborhoods, improving schools, providing meaningful employment, and making both cities a better places to raise a family. (And yeah, a rust belt revival would definitely dovetail with Dan’s bottom line).

Cavs Fans: As for all our readers, Cavs fans around the world, the players, the coaches, the front office and all our staff, there’s one thing we all want, Santa, but I’m not going to ask for it. Instead, I’ll make a wish to keep all the guys on our favorite team healthy throughout the rest of the season and the playoffs so we can see what these fantastic Northeast Ohio ambassadors can do. The rest will take care of itself.

Have a merry Christmas everyone, and Go Cavs!