#CavsRank Villains: 12-10

12. Kelly Olynyk

(David Wood)In the first round of the 2015 playoffs, Boston Celtic Kelly Olynyk averaged just 4.5 points and under one defensive rebound per game against the Cavs. Yet, he altered the course of the the NBA when he injured Kevin Love’s shoulder and ensured Cleveland would be missing a star for the rest of the postseason.

Kelly doesn’t usually make impressions because of outstanding basketball performances. In January of 2014, I was up in Boston visiting my girlfriend’s family. Her parents got us tickets to see the Celtics play the Hawks. It was a family affair, her brother and sister both came to the game with us. When Kelly Olynyk checked into the game, my girlfriend and her sister commented on him right away. “Look at his hair, it’s so greasy.” “Who wears a headband like that.” “Even a man bun wouldn’t help him.”

I watched intently as Kelly shot some threes, and I laughed when Paul Millsap blew by him several times in a row. The only thing I took away from watching the Canadian in person is that he’s goofy and uncoordinated. He seems to be on the verge of falling at all times. At Gonzaga, Kelly was so uncoordinated that Travis Knight, a trainer, came up with specific exercises to help him grow during his red-shirt season. Knight used tennis balls:

From close range, Knight would throw balls marked “R” or “L” at Olynyk, requiring him to catch it with his right or left hand. Others, he numbered, and if the second one represented an increase of at least three over the first ball, it was a command to move to his right or left.

The result is the man we all see now, a man who somehow got a black eye in practice playing one-on-one ball. There really is a strong possibility he didn’t rip Love’s shoulder from its socket on purpose.

However, that’s no fun to think. I have a new theory about why he injured Love (I hinted previously that he was on PCP. I also proposed the idea that he had a mental breakdown and thought he was fighting in the MMA). Kelly thinks he’s bizarro Canadian Kevin Love. As a young guy, Love was pudgy and played well in the post. He developed a 3-point shot a few seasons into his career. Kelly is moving the opposite way. He is planning on getting fat and figuring out how to play in the post in the coming years.

When Kelly mentioned that he thought he was bizarro Love to Travis Knight, Knight agreed. Knight also agreed that there can only be one Kevin Love, bizarro or normal. That is actually what led to the tennis ball exercises. What the above article didn’t mention is that each time Kelly caught the “R”or “L” balls he would yank them to the ground simulating an arm pulling motion. Each time numbered tennis balls commanded Kelly to move left or right he jerked them down towards the appropriate direction. Knight prepared Kelly to precisely jerk Love’s shoulder from it’s proper position when the opportunity presented itself during that history changing game four.

And, if you still don’t hate Kelly for taking Love out and believing himself to be bizzaro Love, remember this fact. Kelly didn’t even take his punishment after he ruined Love’s first postseason. Nate really drove this point home in his recap of the game:

Stevens refused to put Olynyk on the floor at the same time as Perkins — Cleveland’s “enforcer.” At one point in the third, Olynyk was ready to check in, and then Blatt sent Perk in, and Olynyk sat back down. This was nothing short of a gross display of cowardice by Olynyk and Stevens, and a complete and total abdication of leadership by Brad. Any kind of leader that has any kind of brains and guts knows that Kelly’s teammates were going to pay the price for his actions if Olynyk was on the bench.

I mentioned before that Brad Steven’s hate per 36 rating is off the charts. Kelly’s is off this planet. He only played 53 total playoff minutes and his five second play of consequence probably denied Cleveland a title. His spot on this list is mathematically backed.

11. Dwyane Wade

(Authored by Iced-T-Pain-Reliever Tommy P) One of the more underutilized complaints filed in light of “The Decision” was the charge that there would be no more epic LeBron v Wade duels.  It’s true.  The generic basketball fan was deprived of at least 10 games of head to head matchups between two of the greatest players of their era.  Since the on-court LeBron v Kobe rivalry never materialized, LeBron v Wade was always must see TV.

Incredible duels.  I remember Windhorst saying that late dunk on Jermaine O’Neal didn’t translate on TV.  Found his recap here – worth a trip down memory lane.

During the early 2000s, most Cavs fans were not D-Wade fans per se, but there was never the repulsive antagonism of a legion of insufferable fans following Wade around, unlike Kobe.  I remember looking forward to Cavs v Heat matchups.  I wanted to see a good game, and didn’t mind if Wade lit up the boxscore.  He wasn’t a threat to LeBron’s ascension to the throne of “best player in the world” and the Heat’s success never really aligned with the Cavs in a way that they challenged the Cavs’ playoff hopes. And we knew LeBron and Wade were friends, so, we kind of liked him too.  But Wade still had his moments as a villain even in pre-Decision days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSA_Di2vliU

Stepping over Varejao…Wade’s always been smug like that.  Where Bosh and LeBron are more comfortable with a primal scream, Wade likes to look off into the distance at nothing and think about how much he loves himself.  A true villain disrespects his opponents when times are good and doles out cheap shots and whining when things are bad.  Consider:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjucAs1aWPA

Of course Reggie Miller loved that foul.  Why wouldn’t you love a star breaking another star’s nose in an ALL STAR GAME.  Not to mention, Wade got burned and fouled Kobe from behind, trying anything possible to avoid the dunk, which, really, Kobe earned.

Obviously Wade villainry (how is this not a real word?) reached an all-time high for Cavs fans in the wake of the Decision, as Wade (and Riley) were seen as the serpents that tempted LeBron to gaze into their rings and taste the forbidden fruit.  But over time Wade’s antics started grating others around the league.

…but when you look at why they hate LeBron, the guy they really hate is Dwyane Wade. The one who’s overrated, whiny, and flops constantly. Cocky when he’s good, petulant when he’s not, always in need of a good ego massage. He gives himself nicknames, he dresses like an asshole. Hollywood as hell. That’s Wade, not LeBron. -Andrew Sharp [Grantland]

Let’s talk about the nickname.  “Way of Wade”?  It’s not even a nickname.  Dwyane Wade had a sweet nickname: Flash, and he decides he needs to create his own?  The first rule of nicknames is you never create your own.  The second rule of nicknames is that if you decide to ignore the first rule you better come up with a dang clever nickname.  If “The Greek Freak” owes it origin to Giannis himself then that’s OK.  But…”Way of Wade”?  I just looked it up, it’s a “Belief System” that is the intersection of Wade’s own ethos and his Chinese shoe manufacturer.  So, shoe marketing designed as a nickname.  If that’s not insufferable enough, the website suggests that Way of Wade is some kind of charity organization or something: “The Importance of Mentors” and “Pledge to make your own way.”  The “team” is comprised of the brand “ambassadors.”  And said team includes Udonis Haslem, Dorrell Wright, and a Chinese basketball player who’s not Yao Ming. But the best part of all is that D Wade had a logo created that looks like…well it looks like it was designed by Jeff Winger.

Inspiring

Andrew Sharp provided a nice little morsel of D-Wade’s NBA-wide villainry, but let’s crank it up a notch.  Take it away, Gregg Doyel, CBS:

But most of the time it was Wade who was the last player back, Wade who lagged behind on defense Tuesday night because he had flopped to the floor or worse, just stayed behind to stare down an official. These aren’t the 2006 NBA Finals, and Wade isn’t going to the foul line 16 times a game. Officials are onto Wade’s act. Turns out, nobody gets drilled to the deck as often as Wade’s sneaker commercials led us to believe. Officials have caught on. He’s that little kid who cried wolf a bit too many times, and instead of getting too many calls, he probably doesn’t get enough these days. That’s the law of averages. It’s justice, too.

Wade doesn’t get it, of course. Start attacking. Stop flopping. Life isn’t a sneaker commercial, and even if it were, Wade is no longer the star.

But he is a diva.

DAYUM!  Look, there’s no iconic shot of D-Wade burying the Cavs with a dagger 3 or a clutch dunk.  He just stole LeBron from us.  And for that, he’s more than worthy of this list.  I will forever remember Ryan Hollins fondly because he punked the Heat that night, and we all got the last laugh.  But LeBron’s back where belongs, bygones be bygones and all that, right? I say he remains a villain.  Just try watching a Heat game that Wade actually plays in without saying “Can’t stand that guy…” I’d bet my Laptop (running Windows XP and with_a_semi_functioning_spacebar) that Wade sends Delly to the deck with a cheap shot at some point.

10. Dwight Howard

(Nate Smith) In the 2009 playoffs, Dwight Howard was one of the NBA’s most unstoppable players. A 6-foot-11 athletic freak, Howard was quicker, stronger, faster, and could jump higher than most players in NBA history. In the 2009 Eastern Conference Finals, the Cavs’ big man trio of Z, Andy, and a 34 year old Ben Wallace each presented an exploitable matchup for Howard. Z was too slow, and the Magic would put Dwight in pick-and-roll and use his quick cutting ability and devastating finishing ability to render Ilgauskus ineffective. Mike Brown’s “help-and-recover” defensive scheme was predicated on the Cavs’ big man helping the guard and then quickly recovering to the roll man, while the weakside big provided help. Orlando seemed perfectly constructed to dismantle this scheme, especially when Z was guarding Dwight. It also didn’t help that the Cavs’ guards were usually far too small, and Howard far to strong, for them to be able to chuck the roll man.

Varejao, in his prime, was one of the better big pick-and-roll defenders in the league, and perfect for Brown’s scheme. But when the Cavs put Andy on Dwight, Howard could go to the post, where Andy was outclassed in terms of strength and length. Ben Wallace would have been an intriguing counter even three years earlier, but by 2009, he was toast, and essentially made the Cavs play four-on-five on offense. The Cavs were -61 with Wallace on the floor in the series. And let’s not even talk about Joe Smith.

Howard, on the other hand, played possibly the best series of his career, scoring 25.8 points per game to go along with 13 rebounds, 1.2 blocks, and 2.8 assists in 38.6 minutes a night with just 2.5 turnovers despite heavy usage. D12 had a ridiculous number of dunks and easy finishes in the series, and ended with a 69TS%. Defensively, Howard was Superman. While he didn’t have the eye-popping block numbers he’s posted at other times in his career, Magic defenders still funneled people to Dwight who had the ability to challenge and alter shots while still remaining in position for defensive rebounds. Dwight’s 31% defensive rebound rate in the series is hard to even comprehend.

What made Howard so frustrating though, was that on the Magic he presented the classic NBA “pick your poison” dilemma. If the Cavs doubled Howard, it opened up the floor for the Magic’s many shooters, and if the Cavs chose not to double, he would rack up fouls on their big men and destroy the Cavs inside. Speaking of fouls, Howard must have sacrificed an entire McDonald’s worth of live animals to Jobu before the series, because he shot free throws in that series better than he has IN HIS ENTIRE FREAKING CAREER. Howard is a career 55% free throw shooter in the playoffs. Against the Cavs? He went to the line over 11 times a game and shot over 70% – fouling him became a terrible strategy. Dwight was throwing in an extra 1.7 points a game over his career average. The Cavs only effective strategy was draw fouls against D12, to try to foul him out, which Cleveland did three times the series.

To say that Dwight’s performances seemed superhuman would be an understatement. The fact that two of Dwight’s teammates, Rashard Lewis and Hedo, both have been suspended for steroids in their career is not lost on Cavs fans. In fact, Lewis was suspended (after the fact) for testing positive DURING THE 2009 PLAYOFFS! In the series defining game four, Howard played 39 minutes, and then played another 10 in overtime, scoring 10 of the Magic’s 16 points. I’m currently banging my head against my desk.

Superman’s brilliant play reached a crescendo in Game 6. Cleveland, fearing the Magic shooters, decided that Dwight was going to have to score the bulk of Orlando’s point if they were going to win. Dwight scored 40 on 14-21 shooting, and 12-16 at the line to go along with 14 rebounds, four assists, and only two turnovers. He knocked out the best Cavs team since the Miracle squad. More infuriating? Dwight couldn’t even capitalize. The Magic went on to lose to the Lakers in five in the Finals. The Cavs could have taken that Lakers squad.

But Dwight wasn’t done doing his damage. The Magic played a perfect series, and their players collectively shot better than they had their entire careers, it had to be an anomaly, right? So in an all-time classic overreaction, the Cavs traded for Shaquille O’Neal to counter Dwight. While they only gave up Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic, and a second rounder for the Big Aristotle. Shaq’s presence slowed down a Cavs team built on speed, and Cleveland had a hard time integrating O’Neal for the entire year. Things looked promising when Shaq dominated Howard on Nov 11th, 2009, getting him in foul trouble early, and chipping in 10 points and five boards in only 20 minutes.

(note, the above video includes the famous “Kraken” play)

The Cavs beat the the Magic again on the 11th of February, and after Shaq went off about Dwight after the game in a diatribe where he ranted about being compared to Dwight and D12’s theft of the “Superman” nick name.

When I was coming up and there was Pat Ewing and Hakeem (Olajuwon) and I never doubled anybody. You tell me who the real Superman is. Don’t compare me to nobody. I’d rather not me mentioned, I’m offended.

Don’t let them double team me and make it a him vs. me thing. 18 years straight: Hakeem, (Pat) Ewing, Rik Smits, (Tim) Duncan, (David) Robinson, the best of the best, straight up. I never doubled nobody. Nor have I ever asked for double team.

No, Shaq didn’t need any double team’s to check Dwight, but he should have been smart enough to keep his mouth shut. Howard came back motivated to play, and smoked the Cavs a week later with 22 points, 16 rebounds, and four blocks. On April 11th, with Shaq resting, Dwight returned the favor again dropping 22/16/6 for a win in Cleveland.

Shaq and Cleveland were obsessed with Dwight Howard in 2010, so much so, that it clouded their judgment about team construction, loyalty, and what to do about LeBron’s impending free agency. Shaq, and the later trade of Ilgauskus for Antawn Jamison were desperation moves that ultimately ruined Z’s season, and further served to alienate LeBron and his big brother, Z.

In fact, the Cavs missed a golden opportunity to move Shaq that year, and get much better players than Antawn Jamison. (The urban legend of Danny Ferry passing up Amare to hang on to Hickson remains to this day). I still maintain, that with George Shinn – New Orleans’ own version of Ted Stepien – running the then Hornets, the Cavs could have moved Shaq and Mo for Chris Paul and all of Nawlins’ bad contracts (and there were a lot of them), thus keeping LeBron in Cleveland. (There’s an improbable alternate universe I’d like to visit). And I know you’re all rolling your eyes at me right now, but this is George freaking Shinn we’re talking about.

In a supreme twist or irony, Cleveland never even met Dwight and the Magic in the 2010 playoffs. LeBron and the Instahelp Old-Stars fell to the Celtics in the second round. Still, it’s easy to argue that the Cavs’ obsession with Dwight helped ruin the 2010 season too.

Dwight finally played the knucklehead long enough to get moved out of Orlando, spent one bizarre, injury-riddled season in L.A. and is now manning the middle for the Rockets. He’s gotten older, goofier, and an even more self absorbed. He’s not the same force of nature he was when he played with the Magic, when, for 10 days in May of 2009, Dwight seemed like basketball Galactus – a world eater – the most unstoppable force in the NBA universe.