5 on 5 Thanksgiving 2014 Edition

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Thanks so much for reading this year, and we hope you have a wonderful holiday with your families and friends (and Go Cavs! tonight). We put together a 5 on 5 that you can read when you’re bloated from over-eating and sick of football.

1.) Who’s the biggest turkey of the past four years?

Robert: Me, for constantly believing that this team has turned the corner and I’ll actually get to see good basketball again. Yes, me. Clearly… biggest turkey… me.

David: It’s Dion Waiters. He might respond he is the best player on the Cavs if prompted to answer a question about the team’s MVP s0 far this season; he’s obviously a little goofy in the head. His on-court and off-court actions also provide a feast for bloggers needing content.

Cory: Chris Grant. He drew praise for his asset acquisition during the demolition of the franchise, but in hindsight, it’s not that hard to find teams willing to send you first round picks when you have an owner who is willing to take on millions in dead money off their hands. When Grant finally had the green light to build a contender he failed miserably. Of his half dozen additions to the team in the summer of 2013, only Matthew Dellavedova remains.

Nate: I’m going unorthodox here, and praising the Turkey. Ben Franklin preferred the turkey to the bald eagle for our national symbol. Unorthodox, strange looking at first, the turkey has excellent eyesight, will protect its territory, and can convert elbow jumpers with it’s turkey-wing-like like release. Yes, Anderson Varejao is my beloved Cavs turkey. I imagine him cooking a turkey Brazillian steakhouse style. Wait, would that be cannibalism? Who cares. Everyone loves meat on a sword.

Tom: Tristan Thompson.  I dunno, a turkey is really goofy looking animal, and Tristan is a goofy-as-hell player.  Consider: he comes into the league supposedly springy and a forceful garbage man around the basket.  Only, he can’t finish whatsoever.  Over the next two seasons his block rate plummets and his finishing ability almost completely dries up.  But, he switches shooting hands, increases his FT% drastically, and develops an unorthodox 15 foot push-shot.  This season his % at the rim has skyrocketed from a “God-Help-Us…” sub 50% to “Oh Hayell Yes!” 65% while anything outside of the immediate basket area is suddenly apocalyptically violent.  (Ah, push shot, we barely knew thee.)  And his block rates are back up to acceptable rookie levels.   Whatever.  Gobble Gobble.

2.) Which Cav would make the best Thanksgiving float?

Robert: I’ll go a tad retro and say Zydrunas Ilgauskas. I can just picture its thin, helium-filled limbs going on and on for, like, ten NYC blocks. Dan Gilbert should absolutely make this float a reality and hover it over The Q during home games. Cleveland would immediately have the NBA’s most unique (and, sure, maybe eeriest, as well) game day skyline.

David: It has to be Mike Miller. He once owned a pet monkey, so he’s eclectic and that would help him make the unicorn of the float world.  Or, he might just hype up his energy drink company called L.I.F.E, Let It Fly Energy, with the float. This is very likely because the company is less than two years old, and it already seems to be defunct. Time for a relaunch.

Cory: With his bouncing hair, international charm, and awesomely awful mustache, Andy is the obvious answer. As far as hitting an actual floater, Kyrie for sure.

Nate: I’m going with a float dedicated to all the brief Cavaliers: all those guys in the last four years who were here just long enough to get their name in the Cavaliers history book. They they didn’t play a lot or in games that had much meaning, and then they rode off to Europe, China, the D-League, or the Clippers… I can just see this float going by and everybody wondering, “who the heck are these guys?” So here’s to you goofily tall humans: Lance Allred, Henry Sims, Seth Curry, Earl Clark, Shane Edwards, Scotty Hopson, Sergey Karasev, Arinze Onuaku, Spencer Hawes (American Patriot, and obviously, float captain), the Herculoids, Jeremy Pargo, Chris Quinn, Donald Sloan, A.J. Price (who didn’t even get regular season minutes — does he count?), Jon Leuer, Semih Erden, Lester Hudson, D.J. Kennedy, Mychel Thompson, Ben Uzoh, and (more than brief, but still endearing) Luke Harangody.

Tom: Now that he’s an unofficial (is it official?) member of the Cavs LeBron’s new entourage I’m going with DAMON JONES!  The float could be either D Jones doing his leg kick or this:

3.) Of the leftovers from last year’s roster, which will be the first to be tossed?

Robert: In what can only be described as the ultimate Thanksgiving nightmare, there actually aren’t very many left-overs to be had. So, while the rest of us are making cold turkey sandwiches and binging on pie well into next week, David Griffin will be standing in front of a near-empty fridge desperately looking for something while Dan Gilbert yells from the next room, “David, you’re letting all the cold air out!” Given the Cavs early-season struggles, though, and Dion Waiters’s on again off again effectiveness, it’s probably not too early to start working up your best trade scenarios involving Number 3.

David: The Neon Man. He can’t figure out a way to be a functioning piece of the team right now. He isn’t making himself felt defensively. Guys actually shoot better when guarded by him. Check this link. And, he still rates the fun of taking falling away midrange shots higher than being one of David Blatt’s favorite guys. Thankfully, for now, Dion’s renegade attitude has rendered him too ineffective to net anyone valuable in a trade. He could still turn it around and begin to slicing a up defenses. He could still get to the paint and look death or Marcin Gortat straight in the eyes, and then finally kick the rock out to an open man at the three line for a Nuclear bomb game clenching three. He’s certainly capable of that task.

Cory: Dion Waiters, not because of his ill-fit with this team or his moodiness, but purely because I dropped $100 on a swank late 70’s Waiters throwback jersey and it is destined to become the newest member of my Cleveland jersey graveyard in a box in the basement.

Nate: David Griffin, Dan Gilbert’s personal roster chef. When Dan realizes that Griff served him freezer leftovers from the last few years’ Heat roster for this year’s selection of side dishes, Griff will be chopped. Instead of the revelation that is roasted butternut squash with cinnamon and brown sugar (Al Farouq Aminu – best minimum contract free agent signing), Griff gave us the weak sauce of last year’s canned yams and marshmallows (James Jones and Mike Miller). Instead of killer cranberry chutney (Ed Davis), we got freezer burned frozen cranberry jello mass known as Lou Amundson. Instead of maple bourbon pecan pie (uber-athletic K.J. McDaniel), we got a frozen Marie Calendar Boston Cream (Joe Harris — seriously, you couldn’t trade up a couple spots, Griff?). LeBron and Kevin Love (turkey and ham) and minimum Matrix (stuffing) were delicious no-brainers. Every other addition to this feast so far else tastes like it was made by nutty cousin, Teri.

Tom: Uh Robert, as any millennial knows, Chandler Bing had the ultimate Thanksgiving nightmare. (More turrrkey mizter Shandler?) OK, So our choices are Irving, Waiters, Dellavedova, Thompson, and Varejao?  I’d say Kyrie, Andy and Delly are going to be around a while.  So it’s between Tristan and Dion.  Waiters’ trade value has plummeted to fracking depths.  The Cavs would be way too thin on the front line if they traded TT unless they got a big in return.  So I’ll say none.  Those leftovers are here to stay, even if Waiters gets shoved to the back of the fridge and starts molding.

4.) What are you thankful for?

Robert: Strictly Cavaliers-related, I’m most thankful for the fact that it seems like this season can only go up from the week we’ve all just watched. I am less thankful for the fact that whenever anyone says “it can only go up from here,” it usually does not.

David: I’m thankful that this year I have a right to be mad when the Cavs lose. I feel a lot less crazy when I’m yelling at LeBron James and Kevin Love. Alonzo Gee and Jarrett Jack really made me wonder what I was doing with myself 82 times a year. Also, I have an awesome girlfriend who thinks nothing is out of place when I coach the team through the TV. My dog is a great friend too; she’s always watching games with me. I’m blessed for sure.

Cory: On a personal level, I’m thankful to spend this family tradition with my family for the first time in four years. From a Cavs perspective, I’m thankful for the ride that we’ve experienced the past four years. All of it. The numbness of “The Decision.” The embarrassment of “The Letter.” The 26 game losing streak. Baron Davis going ape poo and beating the Heat. The Cavs for Mavs campaign. The lottery jubilation. The growth of the young core. The fact that I still google Luke Harangody from time to time, just to see where he’s playing (Valencia Basket FYI). The rehiring of Mike Brown. Bynum playing craps. The Deng trade. The failed playoff run. The firing of Mike Brown.  Winning the lottery in the best draft since 2007. Hex charts and stalking a billionaires plane from Detroit to Miami. LeBron hijacking the sports world to tell us that he’s coming home. No fan base in the history of professional sports has been on a ride like we have the past four seasons and I’m thankful for every fulcrum along the way.

Kyrie Irving and other Cavaliers serve Thanksgiving Dinner to Cleveland homeless, last Tuesday.

Nate: You guys. Well, not just Robert, David, Cory, Tom, Mallory, John, and Ben, but you guys: the readers. Seriously, thanks for reading, tweeting, and commenting on our articles all these years. It means a lot that you appreciate the work we put into this blog. I’ve been close to not even bothering a few times, when I got a well timed thank-you note from a reader, or just a positive comment that re-energized me. It is great to be a part of this Cavs fan community and to interact with you all on a regular basis. You’re some of the smartest, funniest, most interesting, and most loyal sports fans in the universe. The fact that you enjoy our writing (or hate it and continue to read it — whatever, as long as you’re reading) means the world to me and — I’m sure — the rest of the CtB staff.

Tom: I’m thankful for Cavs fans.  For the ones I’ve met through Cavs:TheBlog and other places.  I really enjoy everyone who comments on our blog, (Come back, KJ!) all my C:TB brethren, and all the other Cavs writers/bloggers that I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with over the last few years.  And especially for Nate, who has become a really close friend.  The Cavs are a great excuse to come together and share something.  I’m also thankful for meeting my childhood hero, Mark Price, earlier this year.  That was awesome.

 5.) When Black Friday comes, what’s on your Cavaliers Christmas wish list?

Robert: Sure, it would be great to go about adding a quality wing defender and a big man to protect the rim. But, barring those missing pieces magically appearing on this roster, I’d just like to see a stretch of 8-10 games where this roster as currently constructed plays up to its ability on both offense and defense. Sure, its ability on offense is much better than its ability on defense, but they should be able to do better than they’ve been showing so far.

David: I’m not sure if this is a commentary on my lack of knowledge or the question-writer’s age, but I had to Google who Becker and Fagen were. My Cavs Christmas list is short. LeBron needs to stop talking to the media, but I’d be happy if he just stopped talking about feelings. I’m sick of reading about The King thinking the Cavs are fragile or not focused. If he has to talk, I would much rather hear his thoughts about the three point line or how the two man game affects the overall team game. I also wish David Blatt would let the Cavs zone up on pick and roll defense. Tristan Thompson is an animal waiting to be unleashed. He’s managing to get .83 blocks a game, and he is stuck up high trying to trap a guy or stuck rotating over to smash an open man out of rhythm. Even in Blatt’s current system, players make 9.3% less shots than they normally do when TT is draping them less than ten feet from the basket.

Cory: I want John Henson. He’s the odd man out in Milwaukee. His minutes are down to 12.8 per game with the return of Larry Sanders. He’s averaging a ridiculous 3.2 blocks per 36 minutes along with a PER of 18.2. I don’t have faith in Andy staying healthy if he continues playing 26 minutes a night. Henson could probably be had for Lou Amundson and the Memphis pick.

Nate: A CHAMPIONSHIP! O.K., that’s not a Santa present. How about John Henson or Bismack Biyambo? How about an athletic 3D guy? Dorrell Wright maybe? Oy. The pickings are as slim the doorbuster bin on Friday at sundown.

Tom: I want the Cavs to get organized on offense.  I’ve seen way too many sequences possessions quarters games where the Cavs have no idea what they want to do.  LeBron dribbles around aimlessly and jump-passes to out-of-position trailers.  No one has figured out where the ball should be in transition.  Sometimes it looks like the Cavs have an isolated ball-handler, three disinterested wing-players standing innocuously around the perimeter, and one chicken-with-head-severed big man trying frantically to set picks that the ball-handler misuses.  And Kevin Love seems less effective than Spencer Hawes (AMERICAN PATRIOT) right now.  I expected the defense to suck – but this offense is putrid.  Also, I want Delly back and LeBron’s back back.