Recap: Wizards 96, Cavs 85
2012-04-25
“We’re only down four,” Byron Scott said in that angry sort of hushed tone where every syllable is overenunciated to the point that each word sounds like the blade of a shuriken. “That is unacceptable!”
He punched the whiteboard behind him in anger. Samardo Samuels let out a whimper.
“Dudes!” here, his voice sounded like Mel Gibson when Mel Gibson is irritated by literally anything. A fly buzzing around his kitchen, a stiff breeze, descendants of Abraham. Which is to say Byron Scott’s voice was loud and held the anger of a man unloved. “please lose this game because I really, really, really don’t want to have to coach Harrison Barnes next year. I would much prefer Brad Beal or Michael Kidd-Gilchrist or—oh my goodness, do I dare to dream?—Anthony Davis. You see, no offense to Harrison Barnes. He’s a fine player and all, but what this team needs if we’re going to make a run at the playoffs next season is an elite talent that I just don’t think Barnes possesses. I think he’s maybe more of a third or fourth option…”
Tristan Thompson rolled his eyes and chuckled. Byron Scott was always talking about how much the team, as currently constituted, wasn’t very good and needed some additional top-flight talent if they wanted to make some noise moving forward. Tristan Thompson agreed with Byron Scott because Tristan Thompson had seen Tristan Thompson’s jump shot and that’s all Tristan Thompson needed to see to be concerned about Tristan Thompson’s development. But he was young, Tristan Thompson. He would have to be patient with himself.
“…and maybe a scorer like Doron Lamb with the Lakers pick? I think I could coach that guy up. Anyway—”
“Get out there and act like we’ve never played the game of basketball before?” Alonzo Gee inquired. He, too, dreamed of playing next to Brad Beal. Beal’s pure scoring ability would relieve him of his awkward position as the team’s third scoring option. With Beal providing an offensive spark in the backcourt next to Kyrie, Alonzo thought, I can focus on defending the perimeter and hitting open shots when Kyrie and Beal absorb multiple defenders. And I won’t have to create my own shot five times a game anymore. It’s not like I’m terrible at creating my own shot, but I’m not great at it. I’m probably better off as a catch-and-shoot guy who gets into the paint from time-to-time.
“Yeah. Get out there and lose like the shining stars you are!” Byron Scott roared. He then flipped on a boom box and the horn-laced triumph of Trick Daddy’s “Take It to the House” filled the locker room. The players stormed out toward the court. But, like, lethargically. They lethargically stormed. Picture, I dunno, an overeager pack of snails or something.
As he watched his pack of snails leave the locker room, a single tear rolled down Byron Scott’s cheek.
“Take it to the house, boys. Take it to the house.”
@Ryan, actually I’d say we’re spoiled by this blog. This one actually updates almost daily and has actually done draft profiles. Most other blogs just leave that sort of content and guessing to the comment section. This is one of the more in-depth sports blogs I read for the teams I follow. Most others have ground to a halt in a lack of content.
@Kj Lighten up, Francis. And look at the way Beal closed the season from January on. Not absolutely dominant but he sorta “figured out” the college game, and began putting up very good numbers. Even days when he had inefficient shooting (with the exception of UK at the end of the regular season) he found ways to contribute with excellent rebounding and getting to the free throw line. His shooting form is pure and he finds ways to contribute to the game even when he’s shoehorned into a playing system like he was at UF. I think he’s going to… Read more »
Jamison announced yesterday after the game that he’s not resigning with the cavs. At least there’s another argument we can put to rest.
@chris uk I live down near Birmingham. I moved here. About two years ago but have been nuts about the cavs for a long time.
TribeTime, In the event that teams finish with the same record, each tied team receives the average of the total number of combinations for the positions that they occupy. Should the average number not be an integer, a coin flip is then used to determine which team or teams receive the extra combination(s). The result of the coin flip is also used to determine who receives the earlier pick in the event that neither of the tied teams wins one of the first three picks via the lottery. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NBA_Draft_Lottery Also, the NBA is holding the coin flip tiebreakers tomorrow! I… Read more »
KJ, beal is more like 6’5 and Kyrie was often called “average athlete”.
I’m dying. This is awesome.
@Ryan Young.
I’m from Leeds, Yorkshire Ryan. Where are you?
Followed the Cavs since 08 and the LeBron team. Fell in love with LBJ, Delonte, Ben Wallace, Z, even Wally S.
Kept an eye on the Cavs since The Decision. Hope and Irving can keep you going. As well as quality writing from Colin, Krolik etc.
Ps Chris UK where are you from. I live in the UK but am from Cleveland. I didn’t think Brits knew anything about Cleveland, generally speaking. All I see here are NY hats haha
I’m warming to the satire although originall I didn’t like it because I thought the cavs were going to put up a fight. Now that those warm and fuzzy feelings are long gone, I have enjoyed them a bit more.
That being said I think I would like to see a few more draft profiles and discussions from the CTB team. It’s the one hope we have to talk about. Thoughts?
You’re right Kj,
a real recap on a Wizard-Cavs game at the end of the season, where Luke Harangody played 14 minutes – that would be great!
One of the finest posts I’ve ever read on Cavs The Blog. Bravo!
Stupid post. Again. And don’t accuse me of not having a sense of humor. I just happen to like things that are funny. I’m kinda weird that way… And also in NO WAY is Beal an “elite” talent. A 6’3″ SG who has mediocre shooting numbers and average athleticism is by definition not “elite.” If you’re unable to muster up the strength to do real recaps, there are many people who would gladly replace you. I’ve never seen a blog disrespect it’s readers more than this one this season. The only reason I still visit, beyond habit, is there are… Read more »
if the cavs, hornets and kings all finish 21-45- how are the lottery odds divided up?>
Hahahaha loved every second of reading and totally lost it at the end :
As he watched his pack of snails leave the locker room, a single tear rolled down Byron Scott’s cheek.
“Take it to the house, boys. Take it to the house.”
bravo Colin, bravo
Yeah I love these type of recaps when the cavs have nothing to play for.
Davis is obviously the ideal scenario, but MKG would be a tremendous addition. They would improve but still be in the lottery next year and then they could throw a near max deal at James Harden in 2013 to be the second scorer.
hahahahahahhaa I would seriously pay for this blog. Soooooooo funny.
If anyone gives you flack for this post, I’ll have had it with commentors lacking in a sense of humor. I love these fan-fiction-esqe outtakes, they’ve all been grounded in real ideas, just putting a satirical spin on things. thanks!
No offense to MKG, but we need a big-time scoring threat and I think that Beal and Davis are the only ones that have a (good chance) of being a 1/2 option. I love MKG, but I think that he would struggle to shoulder the scoring load on this team unlees we plan to fork over some big money to Eric Gordan, and whats the point of that if we can get Beal for cheaper?
This post is a triumph. Simply tremendous.
When I found out we lost: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Z66wVo7uNw
Moving’ on up in the lotto!