CtB Reader 5 on 5

I’m super psyched for this piece because we’re featuring the one thing that makes our little corner of the internet superior to all others in the blogaverse: our readers! Last week we polled some of our longest tenured and most prolific commenters to see if they wanted to contribute to the blog, and they graciously accepted. Cols714, Arch Stanton, EvilGenius, Mac, and C6H12O6 (the artist formerly known as Matt Gordon) all responded to our questions and showed what makes our Cavs fans the best Cavs fans. I can’t tell you all how much I enjoyed editing this piece, and how great it is to have you all (and not just these five guys) as readers! Enjoy, everyone!

Who/what is your Cavs fandom “spirit animal?”

C6H12O6: A narwhal for both bizarre and literary reasons. The bizarre being the Narwhal is a near mythical mammal often mistaken for a sea unicorn found in two of my favorite childhood storybooks: 20,00 Leagues under the Sea and Moby Dick. A long suffering Cavs fan might also be accused of being a Unicorn especially during the bad years. I too am a bizarre mammal because I started liking the Cavs in 1979-1980 because their players had unique names (Campy, Bingo, Foots, Willoughby) and Walt Frazier was a wizard even though he was older.

Arch Stanton: The ocelot, also known as the dwarf leopard, is a wild cat from South America. They are really cool, so cool that the band Phish made a song called “Ocelot.” Ocelots were once considered endangered (from 1972 – 1996) sort of like the Cavs were considered endangered (2010 – 2014). The ocelot and the Cavs are back and not going anywhere.

EvilGenius: I’m not a big believer in “spirit animals” for myself per se, but the one that comes to mind for the Cavs this year is the Rhinoceros. Like a rhino’s thick skin protects it against the slings and arrows of hunters and poachers, the Cavs have needed a similarly collective thick skin to keep out all of the external sniping and negativity that surrounds their every move. And while it takes a rhino a little bit to get up a head of steam, once it starts charging it’s nearly impossible to stop. Sounds a lot like how the Cavs have played this year… start slow, but become unstoppable. As the league will likely find out in the playoffs… mess with the rhino and you get the horn…

Mac: I guess it would have to be the goat, since I’m ornery and ill-tempered and live on tin cans and shoe uppers (oops, getting a little too literal), and generally when you think “goat” you think “old goat”, and I am pretty sure I am one of the older posters on CtB.  Plus our best player LeBron has to be in the conversation for GOAT when it is all said and done, I still have nightmares about the once and present GOAT MJ making goats out of our beloved late 80’s/early 90’s Cavs and I once ate a spicy goat stew in LA Koreatown that was supposed to get me all fired up for a fun night but instead just made me feel slightly ill, which is kind of like most of my Cavs fandom experience.  So yeah . . . goat.

Cols734: Sunshine Bear. I will rain sunshine down on all who dare think this isn’t the best team in the NBA.

Describe your game night ritual.

Mac: I live in Tokyo so game night is actually game morning.  While getting ready for work and on the commute, I hit Cav-related commentary on my ESPN Radio favorite teams feed and check CtB on my iPhone to read the pre-game primer and reader comments.  If there is a game and work is slow enough I fire up NBA International League Pass (great deal by the way, one of the random side benefits of living overseas) on my personal laptop and try to keep an eye on it and the CtB comments feed while answering emails and doing other work that doesn’t involve too much mental heavy lifting.  Usually by lunch the game is over and so I can jump on CtB and agree with whatever guys like EvilGenius and Arch Stanton are saying if things are going good, and write long screeds about how everything is terrible if things are going bad.  When commenting I do tend to dwell on the negative more than the positive but I think it’s a self-defense mechanism at this point.  Besides, I like being right and if you are a Cleveland sports fan, erring on the side of pessimism has a truly excellent track record of success (or lack thereof, I suppose). Check the history.

EvilGenius: Being on the West Coast, most Cavs games start around 4 or 4:30 PST… so it’s more of a “game afternoon” ritual for me. If possible, I usually try to keep my work schedule light on game day afternoons. I get my (sometimes trusty, sometimes painfully spotty) SlingBox feed of FSO up and running a little early to minimize game lag. Since alcohol intake is mostly frowned upon during the workday, I usually eschew the micro-brews for my other vice… Coke Zero. I also always have almonds of some kind on hand (good for chewing in frustration at excessive ISO, long step-back twos or awful officiating when necessary…). From there, it’s a usually a tightrope walk of work related phone calls and clicking between watching the game and feeding my constant game thread addiction… This year it’s been just as much fun interacting with other commenters as it is watching the Cavs get rolling… although it’s not always good for my day job…

Cols734: Hmm. This is tricky because of mountain time. Mountain time is awesome for the playoffs, not so great for games that start at 7:00 ET. Leave work and get the kids. Get dinner ready while checking my phone for updates constantly but trying not to look like I’m checking my phone constantly. Find it on TV and watch while answering crazy basketball/not-basketball questions from the twins. Otherwise find some crappy stream and try to watch it without going berserk. Ugh. My routine sucks.

C6H12O6: I arrive home from work around 4:30 to prepare dinner for my wife and kids so that I can focus on the game and blog commenting that evening. My efficient time use does not directly influence the on-court result, but I like to convince myself my I can. After they finish eating I try to exercise (yoga, sprinting on the treadmill and bodyweight exercises because I am old). Then, my boys prepare the back tv room for a makeshift court out of our couch and chairs. I try to consume Korean or Indian food pregame because I am superstitious like that. At times I remind myself that I am rigidly flexible in my pregame ritual but it always reverts to my default setting.

Arch Stanton: I do not have a specific ritual as far as wearing fan gear or dressing my dogs in ridiculous outfits. I do have some OCD tendencies though. I tend to record every game on my DVR even though most of the time I am watching the game while it is recording. If the Cavs win the game, I’ll keep it saved and continue to rack up won games on my DVR until that winning streak ends, then I’ll go back and erase every game that I previously recorded.

What’s your favorite Cavs memory?

C6H12O6: Thinking that the trade for Larry Nance would have brought a title to Cleveland. I wanted to be able to block shots and dunk just like him. That has never happened but I blocked and dunked vicariously through employee No. 22.

Mac: Watching the old foundation for blindness public service ads that used to run during Cavs games on NBA on NBC in the early 90’s featuring Gordon Gund and Mark Price.  I really loved everything about the Cavs of that era – they played the game the right way and there were so many good players without egos. In a lot of ways they were the proto-Spurs.  Too bad that Jordan guy had to ruin everything that was decent and good.  Which is galling when you consider he was, and always will be, a real jerk.  He was so lucky he played in the pre-Internet, pre-social media era because his fake Air Jordan, family guy persona would get exposed in about 12 seconds today.  Gordon Gund and Mark Price were not only not jerks, they were probably the best and classiest human beings in basketball at the time, with the possible exception of David Robinson.  Having an owner and star like that made you proud to be a Cavs fan.  I still have my hideous but awesome Mark Price jersey that I bought at Champs Sports in Cleveland in 1993, which I intend to pass on to my son.  I don’t have a son, but it is important that the Cavs jersey get passed on so I will.  And then I will tell him how much I hate Michael Jordan.

Cols734: What’s your favorite Cavs Memory? I have two. Watching LeBron dominate the Pistons in that playoff game where he scored 29 of their last 30 points or whatever. And watching a stream that was behind by about 5 seconds when LeBron hit that game winning buzzer beater vs the Magic. I heard the screams from the apartment next door and I knew something awesome had happened. Oh yeah, and Brad’s Bacon-Cheddar Special. Those commercials are seared into my stomach.

Arch Stanton: The Cavs turning the lights out on the Pistons in the 2007 Eastern Conference finals. The Cavs started the series down two games against Detroit, then after tying it up at home, they turned a corner in Detroit when LeBron dropped the final 29 of 30 points (scoring 25 points in a row) to single handedly beat Detroit in double overtime. I remember Steve Kerr calling LeBron’s performance “Jordanesque.”  The Cavs took the series back home and finished off the Pistons when Boobie Gibson lit up Detroit with 31 points (5 for 5 from 3 point land).  Rasheed Wallace was so dejected that he also turned out the lights on his team.

EvilGenius: My favorite “live and in person” Cavs memory is being in attendance at the Richfield Coliseum for the closeout Game 7 of the 1992 Conference Semi-Finals when the Cavs beat Larry Bird and the Celtics 122-104.

But my absolute favorite Cavs memory happened when I was on location shooting a movie in Chicago. As fate would have it, we were going to be shooting outside all night during the Cavs pivotal game 5 of the 2007 ECF against the hated Pistons. I was determined not to miss the game, so I wound up having to pull every string and favor I could to get the transportation guys to rig a temporary satellite dish to the top of our trailer just to be able to watch at least parts of it. Since we were shooting a pivotal scene in the movie that night, I only had a short window during the dinner break. Fortunately for me, LeBron started his one-man mission to outscore the Pistons in the fourth quarter just as we went on break. Though I had only intended to watch it by myself… the mesmerizing nature of the performance drew in more and more members of the crew… none of whom were Cavs fans, but many of whom realized the history they were witnessing. By the time the second OT started, we had to start shooting again, but I couldn’t stop watching. Fortunately, the director understood what the game meant to me and took some extra time to rehearse the next scene. In the end, I’m glad I didn’t have to miss what was arguably one of the greatest NBA playoff performances of all time…

What player or team embodies your “Cavs nemesis?”

Cols734: Besides Delly? The Hawks. This idea that you can win without stars is nuts and every year the NBA bloggeratti fall in love with some scrappy team with a great coach and system that ultimately loses to a team with superior talent. See the Pacers of last year, the Bulls of seemingly every year, and the Heat last year with their space and pace offense that ground to a halt when faced with the superior talent of the Spurs.

C6H12O6: The infamous “turning reserves into all-stars players” who often materialize every game — maybe every game during the Cavs franchise existence.

EvilGenius: The Pistons… I have always hated the Pistons with a passion. From the Bad Boys of Laimbeer, Mahorn, Rodman, Dumars and Isaiah… to the Deeeeeeeeetrooooooooit Baaaaaskeeetbaaaaaall teams of Rasheed, Chauncey, Tayshaun and Rip Hamilton. I hated when Rick Mahorn threw that cheap shot elbow at Mark Price’s head, just as much as I hated ‘Sheed’s flagrant elbow that split open Z’s head years later (they were both fined $5K for their dirty play… but it should have been more in both cases). They’re not as hateable or as much of a nemesis anymore, but I’m sure they will be again soon, especially with their young big men.

Arch Stanton: Bizarro LeBron” is the Cavs nemesis.  “Bizarro LeBron” is the opposite of LeBron, like “Bizarro Superman” is the opposite of Superman, or even “Bizarro Jerry” being the opposite of Jerry Seinfeld.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcjSDZNbOs0

“Bizarro LeBron” plays in “Chill Mode,” sends his teammates cryptic tweets about “Fitting In,” puts his arm around the Duchess of Cambridge, and hijacks the team’s offense to chuck contested off balanced 3s. He is the Evil LeBron that is known to take his talents elsewhere.  If the Cavs can keep “Bizarro LeBron” off this team come playoff time, then LeBron can flourish and this team will not beat itself.

Mac:  I guess the most recent Celtics, just because they were awful in every way except on the basketball court, which is exactly the sort of team that always triumphs over the Cavs, it seems. They were led by KG, the most pitifully arrogant bully of a 7 foot tall human being that ever walked the Earth. I remember a softball “Inside the NBA” interview with KG where they asked him what his best quality was, and he sat there for a second and then said “my sense of humor man, people don’t realize how funny I am.” Then Ahmad being a moron asked him to say something funny which is like asking a pretty woman to “do something charming” on command, and he sat there stumped for a while, started to say something, stopped, started to say something, stopped and then just gave up in a very awkward segment. Anyway, I hate KG and he sucks. Doc Rivers I think is the biggest fraud in the sport. He took the best team and won one championship in a window where they could have won three, woo hoo big f’n deal. He is a really good father, I will give him that since he regularly took games off to go see his stupid son play high school basketball and then even gave him a job after college that he by no means deserved. He is just on this side of being a Enron executive level crook if you ask me.

Don’t get me started on Danny Ainge. Or Boston sports fans, or the Sports Guy gushing about how his stupid fake plucky underdog city won only its (approximately) 726th championship in 2008 so he could die happy. That city and all of its sports teams should be folded into a suitcase like George Jetson’s car, thrown on top of a tire fire and set ablaze. But they, of all teams, stymied and intimidated LeBron, cost the pre-Heat LeBron Cavs multiple titles (I am counting the ones he won with the Heat since he would never have left if the Celtics hadn’t given him the whole “hey I need my own Big Three to compete” bright idea) and gave KG the chit he needed to be considered a winner, even though like Peyton Manning, he left a lot of rings on the table to collect the lonely one he got. Anyway they are an obnoxious team that should never have gone over the Cavs but did and set the team back at least five years (it would have been 20 if LeBron hadn’t returned). So I hate them, and they are the perfect historical foil for our Cavs. The Jordan Bulls of course broke our hearts time and again back in the day but they did that to everyone, so I hold that less personally.

When are the Cavs going to win a championship, and against whom?

EvilGenius: At the risk of sounding like I’ve drunk the Cols-aid… I’m going to say the Cavs are going to win a championship this year. I base this on nothing but my own gut feeling (which has certainly been influenced with how they’ve played over the last month). Before the season began, I believed they’d get to the Finals but lose, only to come back stronger next season and win it all. While I think the Hawks present an unexpected challenge, I don’t think they’re unbeatable, and the Bulls (who I thought would be the toughest challenge) also look vulnerable. That leaves the Cavs to play whoever survives the steel cage match that is the Western Conference. If the Warriors prevail… I’m not as high on the Cavs’ chances. But, I don’t think they will. I believe they will get upended by a dark horse team (maybe even in the first round by OKC if they make it in). In the end, I’m going to say that the Grizzlies bear claw their way into the Finals… and the Cavs take them down in 6 games… 4-2.

Arch Stanton: The Cavs are going to win a championship this year against the Golden State Warriors.  Kevin Love is going to come back from the All-Star break wearing an eye patch and will play with the toughness of Bill Laimbeer .  Love will elevate his game as an all-star contributor and Cavs fans will start to call him “The Governor,” after the charismatic, insane leader from The Walking Dead. Love won’t actually kill anyone like Brian Blake does to the people of Woodbury, Georgia in the Walking Dead.  However, he will get underneath other player’s skin, make the often hard foul against other opposing bigs, hold his own in the post, receive a couple of ejections and most importantly Ryan Anderson will never score 30 points against this team again.

Mac: I still don’t think it is happening this year, I don’t see them getting past the Hawks or the Warriors.  But I think they will come a lot closer to it than anyone would have expected in early January, which is probably the least positive positive prognostication anybody could make.  If they keep Love and Blatt finds a way to use him on offense that doesn’t have him skulking around the perimeter like a cross between a surly teenager and Sam Perkins half the game, I can see them making a couple of tweaks and winning the title next year, probably against the Thunder or the Warriors.  I would like them to beat the Clippers in the Finals though, just to give it to Doc Rivers.  He deserves it.  I don’t know how that man sleeps at night (although I am sure he will respond like Rainier Wolfcastle in “A Star is Burns”, i.e. “on top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies”, putting me back in my sad little place).

Cols734: This year, against the Warriors. And next year against OKC. And the year after against Houston.

C6H12O6: In true Cleveland fan thinking, the year after I pass away. Hopefully I would be able to see it from a heavenly mezzanine but I am often reminded that God hates Cleveland. Or so the narrative goes, until the title arrives. The team they will beat will be a mediocre but playoff hot franchise that eventually arrives in Las Vegas. There is no question in my mind the NBA will land in Vegas one day and their team will be the fortunate one to deliver the Cavs the title.