Recap: Cleveland 100, Dallas 99 (OT) (Or, Cosmic Wedgie: A Basketball Oddyssey)

Good Evening Morning Cavs fans!  Watching this bad boy on a late Sunday morning DVR because I had my wife’s Christmas party last night. No Idea what happened as of 11 AM. Got a cup of coffee in hand, and I know Eli is somewhere behind the Cavs’ bench. Lets get to it.

First Quarter

Cavs come out with Okoro in the starting lineup due to what I assume is an injury replacement for Lamar Stevens. Okoro hits a couple nice shots because the mavs let him get a running start at the basket. Otherwise, scoring is HARD to come by as Cleveland misses four straight triples and they score just four points in the first four and a half minutes.

8:30, Jarret Allen posts up and throws an old school hook off the glass, but Kemba Walker comes back and gets to the line. Walker’s starting for an injured Doncic, which is a good thing, but Kemba has six points already.

8:00 Garland starts cooking, smoking Kemba for a mid 10-foot pull-up followed by a filthy dish for a Mobley slam, but the Mavs are doing what every team should be doing against the Cavs: setting up outside shots with pindowns and screen action. Kemba, Christian Wood, and Tim Hardaway Junior all sink one with the Cavs bigs hesitant to come off the screener to challenge. Garland keeps answering and nails to 26-footer at the top of the key to force a Dallas timeout with the game tied at 14. This game is moving as quickly as spaceships to the tune of Blue Danube.

6:03 Yet another triple out of the TO for Hardaway. Kevin Love on the floor. Let’s see if he can play any defense. I’ve been hesitant to say it, but I don’t know why anyone is guarding the broken handed Love at the three point line. He rarely shoots, and just uses the threat of the J to pump fake and pass. Kev misses a pump-and-fire triple badly, then misses another one on a nice JA kickout. Both teams keep trading clankers and I’m cringing as Love takes a third no-no-no…. yes! triple. Then Love gives Frank Ntilikina an and-1 at the basket.

2:54 NBA Champion JR Smith in the house! It warms the heart! Love that dude, and the Christmas sweater he’s donning is glorious. KEVIN LOVE hits a right wing three in rhythm on the break! String music! Then he hits Cedi on a give-and-go! Offensive threat Kevin Love would be so useful this game. He’s running the whole offense in the half-court, and kicking those outlets, but no one but him can score.

0:45 All the former Cavs home for Christmas as Javal McGee checks in. This quarter’s been make-or-miss from deep. The Mavs 6-11 from downtown while the Cavs are 3-12. Caris has been particularly Meh with a couple turnovers and clankers, and getting blocked at the rim. Fortunately the Cavs are hanging, and a Mobley/Garland pick-and-roll leads to a beautiful finger roll from Evan. Despite being a bit sloppy, at the end of the quarter, are Cavs are only down 27-29.

Second Quarter:

Javale Posts up Mobley and hits an automatic right hook, but on the other end, Mobley sets up on the left block, finds Okoro for a cut and layup, and then does it again on the next possession! Okoro skying for defensive rebounds too.

10:00: Finny-Smith gets a tip slam and Brad Daugherty starts preaching about  boxing out. Cavs blow a 2-1 break, and then the Mavs come away with nothing after a three offensive rebound possession which started by a fantastic Okoro block. After finally securing the ball, Isaac Okoro cuts for yet another back door layup, this fed by pass off a Garland drive. Jason Kidd takes a rage timeout! Cavs up 37-35!

8:00 Okoro and Garland are swarming on D, getting deflections every other possession, and Ice looks as lively as I’ve seen him. Allen blocks two straight shots, and a Garland old-man drive splashes one in off the window.

6:50 Garland finally gets a breather, and I’m very intrigued by this Mitchell, LeVert, Okoro, Osman, Allen line-up. LeVert converts a beautiful lefty layup, but gets called for a charge on Kemba. This lineup has so much potential, but cannot score yet. The Mavs keep hitting miracle shots before Cedi gets clobbered on a drive, and a no-call gives Bullock a layup on the other end for the Mavs. JB calls timeout and I know we won’t see this lineup after the commercial. You can’t convince me JB’s brain hasn’t been hijacked by an evil AI. 39-37 Cavs at the 5:15 mark.

4:20 Okoro drives hard from the left corner, and finishes with a nifty Eurostep! He rebounds again. Ice is a board machine this game too. Meanwhile, Kevin Love is back and killing the offense with clanks and turnovers this time before JB pulls him out a minute later with the game tied. Christian Wood swishes from the left wing, and it’s obvious that shooting bigs are a weakness for this Cavs team. As if to accentuate that, Finney-Smith ball fakes Mobley then picks up a hand-check foul after an over-aggressive closeout. The whistle sends Mobes to the bench with three fouls.

1:48 Allen! Second straight offensive rebound, and finds Cedi in the corner for three! Mavs pickup a second delay of game and Mitchell misses the freebie. It’s that kind of game. The Cavs’ whole offense is Jarret Allen offensive rebounds,  Kemba cooks Cedi with a reverse and the Mavs go into the locker room up 49-47. That was a lousy close to the quarter. Live look at the Cavs in the locker room.

Third Quarter:

I avoid checking the box score so I don’t accidentally find out who wins. But my eyes tell me Caris has been pretty bad this game. The dude’s has the biggest swing between trick or treat, I’ve seen in a long time. I spent the last few years watching Cedi Osman, so that’s saying something. Kaleigh Griffin tells me that Kemba has 19 first half points to Garland’s nine, and now I’m annoyed. Cavs getting rocked by a dude with one leg.

Tim Hardaway cans a 20-footer, and Kemba works Garland AGAIN, before Okoro drives and finds a cutting Mobley with a beautiful pass. Why do the Mavs overplay the Cavs in the corner? Thank God they do. Garland smoked again by Kemba who finds Bullock: automatic trey from the right corner. Then Hardaway gets fouled and the Mavs are up seven.

10:00 the Cavs are setting lousy screens, and no one is getting open. Shot clock violation. As if to prove my point from earlier, Okoro clangs a triple and Garland airballs a hero-ball shot from the left baseline. Why, Darius? Hardaway cans a three. He’s hot. JB rage timeout. Cavs down 10.

Frank goes out in the EVA pod. As Frank approaches the dish assembly the pod sneaks up behind him. Suddenly Frank is spinning off into space fumbling for his air hose, which is disconnected, and the pod is drifting in the other direction. As Frank tumbles away, his voluntary movements slow and stop. Dave goes to the pod bay as HAL says he doesn’t know what happened. Are you effing kidding me RN?

9:00 Mavs over-overplaying everything. Why aren’t the Cavs setting screens? A back door on a pin-down would be an automatic basket right now. JA misses a pair of free-throws after a bailout foul. Donovan Clanks a 28-footer. Okoro airball three. Ugh. Dave returns from recovering Frank’s body to find his cryogenically frozen team members dead. Come TF… ON.

8:00 After a gimme layup on an inbounds to Garland, Okoro with nice D on Finney-Smith leads to a Mobley looking Like Hakeem post-up. A Mitchell layup for a 6-0 run causes a J-Kidd quick timeout to stop the bleeding. Cavs playing with a bit more force, but man this game is ragged. I have to sit through Katherine O’Hara and Kevin Hart Chase credit card commercial while I write this up. I’m so glad we’re beaming Home Alone joke rehashes out into space to travel the cosmos for eternity.

6:10 Mitchell walks Frankie long-arms to the basket, but misses the freebie. The Cavs are 6-12 from the stripe. Oh snap: a Neto sighting. Raul immediately gets caught on a switch against Christian Wood and gives him two freebies he drains. Cavs down four. Neto finds a wide open LeVert, who is 100% trick tonight as he clanks a trey then gets slow-rolled by Christian Wood on a drive.

4:30 Neto gets a layup and then hounds Kemba into a turnover before a nifty Mitchell layup. Christian Wood strings up a triple, the Cavs go cold, and Kemba Isos Allen for another triple to put the Mavs up eight.

2:10 Mitchell sweet feeds the Fro for a a tricky over his back one handed dunk! But the Cavs miss three straight open triples across a couple possessions. And this game is 100% about who’s hitting threes. Cavs have over double the points in the paint, but the missed freeebies and threes is the game right now. Remember, the Cavs have ping ponged between wins and losses for almost 10 straight games.

It’s time to reset this narrative.

0:27 LeVert! Ends a possession of patient passing with an and-1 drive, but misses the freebie. The Cavs are 7-15. It’s an iron epidemic at the charity stripe. Okoro doesn’t even draw iron on a drive to end the third, and the Cavs post just 20 points the last two quarter. The wine and gold trail 67-75. We’re through the looking glass here, people.

Fourth Quarter

Do the Cavs have another comeback in them? Evan Mobley says yes, as a big o-board and putback gives him a three point play,  but then he gives up an oop-slam to McGee on D. Mitchell is the only Cavs’ consistent offense. He dances for two. If someone else could could score, it would be helpful. Javale obliges with a goaltend. Mobley gets a couple free throws and the good guys are GRINDING the Mavs offense to a standstill!

The glimmering rectangular shape that had once seemed no more than a slab of crystal still floated before him, indifferent as he was to the harmless flames of the inferno beneath. It encapsulated yet unfathomed secrets of space and time, but some at least he now understood and was able to command. How obvious – how necessary – was that mathematical ratio of its sides, the quadratic sequence 1 : 4 : 9! And how naive to have imagined that the series ended at this point, in only three dimensions.

He focused his mind upon these geometrical simplicities, and as his thoughts brushed against it, the empty framework filled with the darkness of the interstellar night. The glow of the red sun faded – or, rather, seemed to recede in all directions at once – and there before him was the luminous whirlpool of the galaxy.

10:00 Kevin Love! Yet another Mobley Hustle play gives the Cavs a second chance, and Love gets open in the corner for three to put Cleveland up 80-79! Holy crap. That escalated quickly

9:00 Christian Wood gets three right back, swishing a left winger over Love. And the Cavs go cold, drawing iron on three straight trips. JB brings Allen in for Love who can’t guard… anyone.

7:00 It’s make-or miss, and the Mavs are making tough shots and the Cavs aren’t. Isos for THJ and Kemba give the the Mavs three straight mid-rangers that frustratingly drop. Mitchell gets a pair of freebies, hits them after a timeout, and the Cavs are down four as we roll into crunch. Somehow J Kidd makes 90 seconds feel like 90 minutes with loose ball foul challenge. This game is a slog. It just will not commence.

5:30 Mavs finally refuse to guard Okoro at the three point line. He drives from the right corner and turns it over. An above the break- Donovan pull-up three ball cuts the deficit to three.  Garland drives and cuts it to one! Okoro blocks Kemba, but gets an abysmal whistle which draws an immediate JB challenge… Five minutes later the Cavs win the challenge! This fourth quarter is like an interstellar football game, three eons of broadcast for 12 minutes of action!

4:30 Garland off the glass after a 20 pass possession! Cavs down one! Cavs force a give-up three from Wood! Easy rebound. LET’S EFFING GO! Oh wait now the on the floor shot clock is screwed up. This game is high AF. IT LITERALLY BROKE TIME.

3:30 All these stoppages giving the Cavs rest. Closing lineup is in with Levert in for Okoro plus the starters. Mitchell gets an open three… right iron! Mobley for the rebound! Yet another timeout. Is it 2023 yet? I know I have a fast forward button, but even so, this is ridiculous. I’ll give JB props for trying to keep his guys fresh, but I’m slowly realizing I’m stuck in this room for eternity.

3:06 Garland drives the left lane… Hits a WIDE OPEN Mobley in the left corner… THREE!!! Mirror image of the play against the Pacers from the right corner the night before. Just to taunt me, Jason Kidd. Calls a timeout with the Cavs up 93-89. I’m reliving the final scene from 2001. When I started this game I was a young man, and now I’m watching myself on my deathbed. Time and place lose all meaning. I am a tree spreading my lim….

Oh jeez. Sorry. Wandered off there for a minute.

3:00 John Michael tells me Mobley has 15/8/4 . I’ll take it. Christian Wood though. High archer over Allen to silence the crowd. Hakeem Mobley retorts, in the lane with a sweet turnaround! Mitchell all over Kemba who tries to draw a foul, but Spida doesn’t bite and Kemba clanks!. Shot clock violation against the Cavs after a ponderous possession where no one wants to shoot, but LeVert draws a charge on D! Cavs still up 95-92!

1:20 After a Donovan drive and a Wood block, a LATE whistle comes for a goaltend… and GOOD LORD THIS IS AN AUTOMATIC REVIEW. Generations of species evolve and die off over the course of this review. This game should be measured in epochs. Gah. Goaltending waived off. Mavs ball. No basket. A second ice age dawns.

1:09 Cavs give a foul when Garland gets switched on Wood. But why’s he on the floor? Why isn’t JB going offense/defense here? Garland gets stuck on the back line again, and he is forced to foul Wood. This is terrible coaching.

0:51 Smart foul by Garland though as Wood goes 1-2 and the Cavs retain a two point lead. Donovan and Mobley run a high pick and roll. Spida doesn’t want to force a shot, and the Mavs bottle everything up. Kickout to Garland. He p/r’s with Mobley and delivers the ball at the elbow. A finger roll just misses. The Mavs rebound and call timeout. Why not another stoppage? I avoid the urge to call my kids. I’m pretty sure I’m a great grandfather by now.

0:28 Cavs still up two. Just can’t give up a triple here. Okoro thankfully in for Garland. Walker throws himself into Mitchell and gets a gift pair of free throws… AND MISSES THE FIRST! The grind continues. I give up and hit fast forward after Walker makes the second and JB calls another TO. Both teams still have a timeout. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? THIS GAME IS VIOLATING EINSTEIN’S THEORIES OF RELATIVITY. TIME IS SLOWING DOOOOOOWWWWWNNNN AS WE APPROACH THE COLD ENTROPY DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE…

0:22 I never made it to the fast forward button. Too busy typing that paragraph. Cavs pass immediately to… Jarrett Allen who’s 1-4 at the line tonight. Jarrett misses the first. Gah. WTF is this for coaching? How does the ball end up with your worst free throw shooter? Allen mercifully makes the second, but that is just awful coaching. Awful. Jason Kidd rips open a hole in spacetime with another timeout. Cavs up 96-94.

0:21 One second of game time? Five minutes of real time. My kingdom for an Elam ending. I finish Anna Karenina during the break. A trillion virtual particles spawn an annihilate each other as I wait. Walker gets a switch with Jarrett on the right wing, dribbles the air out of the ball. JA picks him up at forty feet and Kemba calmly dribbles to the basket and scores his 29th point to tie the game with 3.5 seconds left, wearing Jarret Allen like a rented space-suit. The Cavs have one shot to prevent another hour of my life being consumed by overtime. I think we know how this is going to go…

3.5 seconds Mitchell isos, shoots, misses… and called for a pushoff on Hardaway!? J.R. Smith is INCREDULOUS on the sidelines! Swish and his pointy hat and Suze Orman Christmas Jacket are ready to go after the ref. Of course this game is going to overtime. I have no doubts even though THJ just misses a half-courter with .7 left. That call on Mitchell was absolute garbage.

Sloooooowvertime

A LeVert moving screen kicks it off. This is annoying. Walker steps back on Garland to drain a three. What secret powers did the the mysterious monolith grant this guy? 32 points now!? The man had one working knee joint! Mitchell draws the sixth foul on Finney-Smith, but Garland misses a banker, and then Mobley clanks after a stop. Mavs giving em chances by not scoring, but there’s nothing easy or open until LeVert drives from the left corner and hits a bank shot! LET’S GO! CAVS DOWN 1!

2:40 CAVS COVER EVERYONE on D and force a Bullock miss from the left corner. Garland to Allen for hard working man’s catch and slam dunk! Cavs retake the lead! I see ya workin, JA! Cue the drums.

1:30 Bullock misses from the left wing! But… No Cavalier wants to shoot! Cleveland plays hot potato until Garland has to heave a 27-footer that’s blocked and makes the shot clock buzzer go. Jason Kidd stabs at my soul with a timeout. Cavs still up 100-99.

1:00ish Garland deflects the ball from Frank Ntilikinaohsomanysyllables on the baseline! Donovan grabs it! and Frenchie jumps on top of him from the top turnbuckle! Donovan is hot, but the Cavs get a foul call and then call timeout!

0:48 Mobley on the right block. Allen flashes to the elbow. Spins into a point blank shot! MISS. Only one thing can save me now. And there I see it. Eli’s courtside, and his gold jacket is undefeated… I don’t care that all this happened 12 hours ago. That Jacket doesn’t conform to the laws of space and time as we know them. It will be the cosmic karma we need.

0:20 Kemba isos on Allen. Fallaway at the right elbow! WEDGIE! Ball stuck on the basket! Eli takes his fingers away from his temple and nods to the camera. We got a jump ball at center court! TIME STOP, MOTHALOVA! YA LUCK DONE RUN OUT, WALKER!

0:13 Wood and Allen jostle for the jump ball. After two resets, it gets batted around and ends up… coming back to Wood hands it to Kemba who pitches to Hardaway on the left wing, a sea of black converges… THJ looks like he’s about to shoot and before he lands he loops it to Wood… BUT MOBLEY IS ALL OVER HIM ON THE RIGHT WING 28-FEET AWAY. DESPERATION HEAVE! Grazes the bottom of the rim… Garland collects… THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA!!!! OUR LONG SUNDAY MORNING NIGHTMARE IS OVER!  CAVS WIN!!! 100-99! You are not a master of time and space Jason Kidd! Take your wedgie and go home!!!

THE CAVS WIN TWO IN A ROW!!!

WHEW. Despite a ridiculous 32/5/7 night from Kemba in just his third game of the season and 26/14/2 and four stocks from Christian Wood, the Cavs grinded this one out due to a 51-45 rebound advantage including 15 from Jarrett Allen. DG was a devil, with much better defense than we’ve seen of late. Garland notched 18/7/12 zero turnovers and four steals, a block, and a game high +14. Dayum, Darius.

Speaking of stocks, Okoro had three of his own with ten points and six rebounds. Despite shooting 0-4 from deep, Ice had a successful stint as a starter, but teams are going to stop coming out on him till he hits threes. Ice has reversed gravity. He repels defenders by having such a bad reputation on offense, if he can hit some threes, he’ll be playable against good teams.

Evan Mobley achieved transcendence in the clutch again, with a big three late, and a 17/8/4 line and zero turnovers. Caris LeVert put up his worst offensive game since returning from injury with just a 4/4/1 contribution but played some defense to finish +9 with three blocks in 38 minutes. Donovan Mitchell, was Cleveland’s interstellar engine, of course, and seemed to be there every time the Cavs needed a bucket. 25/4/3. I think we all aged three milenia with that game, but this JYD award goes to Eli Kim and his undefeated gold jacket! What I want to know is how he nodded to me through the camera, knowing I wasn’t going to be watching till Sunday… Spooky action at a distance, homeboy.

More things in heaven and earth, I guess… See you all tomorrow for Lauri and Collin’s homecoming, unless I get transformed into a giant space baby by a monolith. If so, Go Cavs!